I hope it is easy to find lorib.blog, or lorib434.wordpress.com
i have been blogging, more like journaling for years, but not for an audience. I have published on The Mighty, recently started posting on Medium and published on Psych Central. The title there is Triple Winner (archived)
I have a diagnosis of schizoaffective disorder and social anxiety, along with overcoming an alcohol addiction. I plan to blog about those topics and other ramblings.
Image woman relaxing in a recliner with headphones
I had first Spravato (ketamine nasal spray) treatment yesterday. The man running the clinic was nice and explained everything. You self administer the nasal spray. I felt clumsy but it worked. They gave 3 doses, 5 min apart. Checked blood pressure periodically and mostly just let me relax
It seemed to take effect pretty quickly. Things looked further away and I felt happy. Then, I felt an intense high where everything got brighter that seemed to last for about 15 min. Then I started coming down. Things looked normal. I had to be there for 2 hours until I was safe to leave. I was still wobbly but my husband picked me up and walked me out.
Some people get nauseous but I felt okay. It drips down your throat and tastes bad but it was tolerable. I brought headphones and listened to a music playlist. I got a headache today so I took some electrolytes.
Overall it was pleasant. I go back wed and go twice/week for a month and then psychiatrist decides taper. Some people stay on it long term maintenance, others feel they don’t need it and taper off.
It has been a long time since I last wrote. I got certified as a peer support specialist but full time work was too much for me. I requested fewer hours and my psychiatrist wrote a note but my employer refused. I felt like I was either working or recovering and got very depressed. I attempted sui but except for a trip to the er and a week long hospital stay, nothing happened.
I did 2 1/2 months of a PHP. It was okay. I did tms again and it helped but it seems to have worn off. I tried going back to work but nothing had changed and I got depressed again so I stopped working. I am applying for expedited reinstatement of SSDI but I don’t know if they are processing with shutdown.
I am looking into ketamine nasal spray treatment (spravato). My insurance approved it after months but I don’t have an appointment yet. It is done in psychiatrist office and you can’t drive after.
I have not been doing much. My sleep is iffy and I am tired often. I got akasithia from a medication and then had restless legs from another. I was really uncomfortable.
I have been playing with AI making pictures and memes. I find it is a way to express myself, but I know there are downsides.
3 pics: dog with big eyes rainbow background (groovy), dog painting self portrait, me with my dog starry night background
I have watched the first half of the documentary. It is disturbing and enthralling. It is about the Galvin family. Of 12 children, 6 boys developed schizophrenia. There is trauma, violence, fear. I am sure there were happier times but the show is pretty dark.
I was born in a large family, 7 children. My father had some sort of untreated, undiagnosed mental illness. He prided himself on not drinking, but he would rage unpredictably. He had trouble keeping jobs and getting along with people.
My brother, Pat, had a psychotic break when he was in college. My parents were ashamed and said it was caused by a cult. They would tell me people to avoid who were in the cult. He died young, at 26, in a hiking accident. I am sure his mental illness had something to do with it.
Years later, at 39, I had a psychotic break. I had earlier symptoms like mood swings and paranoia, I sometimes feel guilty that I can enjoy life and my brother did not have that chance.
My youngest brother has some mental health issues, too, but I don’t think they are as severe.
I want to thank the Galvin family for putting a light on something when tend to hide in shame.
I have been working in mental health peer support. They recently brought certification to CA. I am glad we have standards and training. I did 80 hr training and am taking certification exam tomorrow. I think I am ready but I am nervous. I am going to a testing site. It is 2.5 hours. I think I will know right away if I pass.
I have been working part time. Lately 16 hr/week. I receive SSDI disability and have not earned enough to go over the limit. I recently accepted an offer for full time work. I am anxious that I won’t have the energy or it won’t work out for some reason. I will lose ssdi the first month because I will go over limit. Social security provides work incentives but I have used them all. The only one left is expedited reinstatement. After I lose disability pay I can apply and they expedite that. Hopefully, everything goes well and it is an unnecessary concern.
The job is peer support in housing. The clients have housing vouchers and we work as a team to get them in and keep them housed. The people I have met so far are nice. I start in May. There is a ton of onboarding: fingerprinting, physical, paperwork . I have to get a second tb test this week and get car inspected. Then I think I am ready. I am going on vacation at end of April and then start.
I am trying to get back on keto but I struggle. I live with husband and daughter and there are carby foods here that tempt me. I am going to sit down later this week and really think about what I want. I am doing keto to control diabetes but there are other avenues. My dr added rybelsus which is an oral semaglutide. I am losing really slowly at maximum dose. It does help me pause before impulsively eating. My glucose is better.
Image: cartoon of several people sitting in chairs. Group therapy.
I have several chronic conditions: mental health, type 2 diabetes, sleep apnea, hypothyroidism, hypertension. I am on 9 medications. I was wondering if there is any type of holistic treatment that could help, and searched different terms in my insurance directory. I came upon a mental health facility that is holistic and integrative. They have a nutritionist on staff. It wasn’t exactly what I was thinking but it looked helpful.
I saw the psychiatrist and he is a bit different but I like him. He changed my diagnosis from schizoaffective to major depressive disorder and anxiety. He seems sure I was misdiagnosed. He decreased my antipsychotic, I am on a baby dose that is more of an adjunct for depression, so far, so good. I
Image: Stethoscope with words Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation
They do a type of Transcranial Magnetic Stimulation called MeRT. It took a couple of months but my insurance finally approved it. I had an EEG yesterday. They use the EEG to determine how to apply magnetic therapy. I may start as soon as tomorrow morning.
The therapy helps bring your brain waves to calm, alert alpha waves. You can get there through coping tools like mindfulness and meditation but this works much faster. I have had anxiety Al, of my life and it impacts me daily. I am really hoping this will help. I use a lot of stress reduction techniques and have been trying to expose myself to things I fear.
I spent 5 weeks in Partial hospitalization all day M-F. Now I am in intensive outpatient 8:15-11:45 M-F. The next step down is 3 days/week, then I am done but will come in for MeRT. I think the routine and structure help. I am learning a lot. You can’t drink alcohol while during MeRT. It is M-F daily and 36 sessions total.
You come up with a daily schedule but I have trouble sticking with it once I get home. I was supposed to come up with a meal plan but I don’t know how. I eat, mostly low carb, but I don’t really plan my meals. I keep snacks on hand and my husband usually makes dinner.
My fasting glucose does not match my A1C. My A1C is normal. I am trying a continuous glucose monitor. I like it but it show high readings, too. My dr thinks donating blood gives me a false low A1C so I am having another blood test in a few months and not donating. I am thinking of volunteering for the Red Cross at the donor center, but I am having trouble hearing. I am getting the wax cleaned out of my ears soon and try to get on a schedule so my hearing aids can work.
Methylation risk variant results MTHFR, CBS, COMT, MTR and MTRR
I had a DNA test done through ancestry. I sent the results to Life DNA and got some information. They had an offer on methylation genes so I had that analyzed. Out of 10 genes, 7 had risk variants. The variants are not unusual.
Some of them lead to an increase in homocysteine which when increased can be a heart attack risk. I have started taking L Methyl folate to help. Another interferes with vitamin d. I asked my Dr and she ordered homocysteine and vitamin d blood tests. I take fish oil + vitamin d but it my not be enough.
Another variant causes reduced COMT enzyme activity. This can cause psychiatric issues. I am going to ask my psychiatrist about it. They recommend Sam-e supplementation.
I watched a video on Hashimotos thyroiditis. It was about inflammation but you have to pay to get more info. I have hypothyroid. My Dr did no further testing, just TSH. I take synthroid and now TSH is normal.
I am trying to find out about inflammation. I know alcohol is inflammatory so that is a good reason to cut that back or out. I think I am going to have an extended alcohol free period soon.
I told my brother I was making bone broth in a crockpot. The recipe I follow takes 12 hours. He said it is much faster in an Instant Pot. When I told him I don’t have one he ordered one shipped to me. I am very thankful.
It is really simple. I used 3 can coconut milk 2 T gelatin and a vegan yogurt starter culture from Cultures for Health. It is single use. I mixed the gelatin in a small bowl with some coconut milk and let sit 3 min before adding to inner bowl with the rest of coconut milk. I added starter and whisked to blend then put on lid, chose yogurt setting, set timer for 24 hours. It started counting up from 0. I just let it go, I opened up early, after 20 hours. It was liquid so I transferred to little glass containers and mixed 1 T chia seeds to each. I placed in fridge and after several hours it thickened. It has a tart taste and is creamy. I don’t know if it really needs the chia seeds but I like them.
Image: 2 containers of coconut milk yogurt with chia seeds
Next I will make beef bone broth. That takes about 3 hours in Instant Pot. It is easy to clean, too. I wiped off inside of lid. My brother told me to wash the silicone ring and dry so I did that, the inner pot is dishwasher safe.
I have not been sleeping well. It has been ongoing, but I think it is getting worse. I am exhausted but not able to sleep. I don’t get a lot done during the day because I am so tired. And, since I am awake I go online, which I am sure does not help. I start looking at ideas for new projects. I am fermenting vegetables so now I am thinking of planting a vegetable garden in my backyard. But, I have no idea where to begin. So, I surf the web looking for information on that, instead of relaxing,
My psychiatrist prescribed a medicine, trazodone, for sleep. It is not helping too much. I asked if it interacted with supplements, like melatonin, and my dr said it would be okay for me so I am going to take both tonight.
I have projects stacking up, but the fermenting is taking off. My pickles turned out good. I set up a second batch with a different type of cucumber. I know you use pickling cucumbers but I can’t find anything with that name. I have sauerkraut and kimchi that should be done in a week. I just set up beets to make kvass. The kimchi tasted good fresh. That is a short ferment, 8 days.
Image of fermenting vegetables in jars
I see my new therapist for second appointment tomorrow. The insurance said pending and I was worried they would deny it, but it was eventually approved. I don’t really know what to talk about except the lack of sleep.
I have been putting off trying to learn to crochet. I have a kit that has a YouTube video but I don’t get it. I looked at wiki how but it confuses me. I have not put much effort into it. I guess I could bring the Internal Family Systems workbook to therapy. I did not know where to start but maybe she will have suggestions.
Image: mason jars with fermenting sauerkraut and pickles
My friend ferments pickles and sauerkraut. He gave me the directions so I set some up. It is pretty simple. Sauerkraut is cabbage and salt. I added some carrots and ginger for flavor. Pickles are salt water and some spices. I watched videos on YouTube and joined a Facebook group for beginning fermenters. There is some conflicting information, so I am going with the fermenting group for advice.
Fermented foods are great for your gut. I thought I would just do these 2 foods, but I have been reading more and interested in adding more. I am going to set up kimchi next. I have the spices just need produce. There is a Korean market near here. Then I might try Kombucha. That is a different type of ferment and for parts you are supposed to put in dark, I think I could cover with a cloth. I have cabinets but I worry about leaking or exploding jars.
I have not made coconut milk yogurt in a long time. Recipe here Coconut milk yogurt Chia pudding is so simple but does not have the probiotics. I am planning to get some going soon. I put away the yogurt maker so I will have to pull it out.
My husband does not understand this hobby. I have not spent too much on it. I have 3 2 qt mason jars. I just bought some lids that exchange gas. Right now I just unscrew a little each day, but they are not producing a lot of gas. Just some bubbles.
I tried a pickle today. It has only been 4 days. It was crunchy but pretty bland. I am not sure I bought the right cucumbers. You need pickling cucumbers, I bought a bag that just said small cucumbers. I am going to let them go for a couple of weeks. I tasted the sauerkraut at the beginning and it was really salty. I am not sure if I made a mistake or if it always starts that way. I am letting that go for 3 weeks.
I have a number of projects that I have trouble completing.
I am interested in internal family systems therapy. I have a book and workbook to use on your own but I have trouble getting started. I have an appointment with a new therapist in Jan and hope she can help.
I am in the process of reading Brain Energy about how mental illnesses are metabolic disorders. I skimmed through looking for explicit directions for how to deal with anxiety and schizoaffective disorder. He talks a lot about keto but I like to have targets for macros and he does not get specific or I missed it.
I got an activity journal that looks fun but I have only glanced at it.
My cousin, @AnnSloan, wrote a book called Suffer, that I have on kindle waiting to be read
I have a gratitude journal by @matthiasjbarker (pictured) that I just started today. It has prompts for everyday for 6 weeks. He also has a motivational zoom I signed up for. Maybe I can get some sense of priority with these projects and a timeline.
I started keto last month. I slipped a little eating some more carbs than I should. I have type 2 diabetes and keto really helps me with glucose control. My sugars went higher than normal and I am having trouble getting to a level I would like. I have not lost weight but I lose slowly usually.
I had a scare where my blood pressure was high at a Dr , not PCP. I tested at home and it was high on several days. I contacted PCP and she said to decrease salt and exercise more. Still high. I went for office visit and she read bp manually. It was normal. She thinks for some reason the automatic readers don’t pick it up right on me. I can go for manual checks if I need. I am a little confused about sodium. Usually you increase it with keto but my Dr wants me to stay to below around 2 g. I had been drinking bullion but I stopped. Grateful my BP is normal.
My sleep had not been well. It is improving. I can get 6-7 hours straight, the problem is it is shifted. I don’t fall asleep until about 3 am and am tired during the day. I cut back on caffeine and my psychiatrist reduced my medication. It is easier to stay asleep with the cooler weather.
Stronger Than You Think 